"Sweet dove, sweet dove. Gone and never to return." ... That's Keats.

Of the Bittersweet:

- After battling his way back to a big league camp after a concussion, Corey Koskie has reportedly called it quits. He was in his “personal jail” for over two years following a freak head injury. Saturday he walked away from the game he loved on his own terms, seemingly at peace with his departure. Koskie’s career line found him clubbing 124 homers, over 500 RBI and nearly 1,000 hits. Officially, his last regular season Major League stint was as a Milwaukee Brewer.

Of 5th Rules:

- Just as Milwaukee had done with Eduardo Morlan, Houston has opted to demote Lou Palmisano, a ctaching prospect claimed from Milwaukee in the Rule 5 Draft. By rule, Houston was required to offer him back to Milwaukee in return for $25,000  - to which Milwaukee declined. Thus, Sweet Lou remains an Astro and the Brews keep Houston’s entire $50K posting fee.

Of Awesomeness:

- See: McClung, Seth/Bush, David.

Of Nomenclature:

- Minor League Baseball awesomely reminds us it doesn’t take itself all too seriously. March Madness can eat it! I’m all about Minors Moniker Madness - a head to head tourney pitting the most hilariously-named prospects against one another. Brewers prospect Maverick Lasker, and Brewers exPatriot Callix Crabbe are competing in a vote-based bracket. I have “German Sacks” taking the trophy.

Of Heyman Busting:

Busted!!!

- I’m all about busting Heyman, but I have a headache so I’m not exactly in the mood right now (you see what I did there?). But I’ll take you to the cusp with a quick plow through his latest column.

A.) He writes of Houston’s 1-16-3 record so far this spring. That’s historically bad. But Fat Elvis doesn’t care about spring records, he cares about Houston’s admittedly weak starting rotation. Note, Berkman actually looks like fat Elvis in the accompanying photo – like, barbituate pinata, taking his last breaths as he dies on the toilet Elvis.

B.) Heyman bleeds a list of the winter’s best contract bargains – evidentally using only players the average Sports Illustrated reader has been exposed to. His number one? Orlando Cabrera and his one-year/$4M deal!!! As if, guy. Even if Cabrera hits his age (285), he’s not worth that many monies.

Bobby Abreu at No.2 and Adam Dunn at 4 were decent calls. But Jon Garland at 3 and John Smoltz’s decomposed carcass at 5 aren’t only much worse deals than Braden Looper – they weren’t good at all. Pudge-Rod, Griffey JAH! and Garret Anderson all Hoveround into Heyman’s top 13 too. I’ll admit, Looper isn’t an exciting signing, but the affordability with the mutual option does more to help the Brewers than Griffey leaving what’s left of his knees on the turf helps Seattle.

C.) The rest of the column is about Texas’ other shitstain baseball squadron, the (Walker) Texas Rangers, who (foregoing an outdated Chuck Norris joke) Range from terrible to eye-gougingly bad. Nobody cares about Brandon McCarthy, Andruw Jones and Jarrod Saltaghfujskhfdidfdnnia. If he’s on the Rangers and didn’t fly a media-propelled rocket crucifix off a pile of used needles while hitting a buttload of dingers, I don’t see why you need to be talking at me with all this Texas stuff… at least until Ben Sheets settles signs there and uses his female reproductive organs to give birth to an equally wuss-armed baby on the mound during a game.

That’s it.

Tags: Bustin' Heyman, Corey Koskie, Little News, Lou Palmisano

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 21st, 2009 at 10:24 pm and is filed under RFB. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.