Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Game-Day Pet Peeves

Stand up if you're amused by a 50-year-old gimmick!

Baseball is back. And I'm loving it. The RFB Crew has already spent three games in the bleachers and I'm looking forward to many more this summer.

Unfortunately, there are a few things that mar the Miller Park experience for me from time to time. Here are a few of my baseball pet peeves:

Obnoxious Fans of Opposing Teams – In Miller Park, these offenders are almost exclusively Cubs fans, sometimes even during games the North Siders are not playing in. To be clear, I have no problem with baseball fans of opposing teams (aside from my general distaste for people who grew up in Wisconsin that root for the Cubs). In fact, I always take a ticket on the end of our group in hopes of sitting next to a fan of the opposing team so I can talk baseball with someone with a different perspective. Some of my favorite baseball-watching experiences have involved the give-and-take of sitting next to a knowledgeable fan of the opposition. I just can’t stand the loud, obnoxious fans that come in with a chip on their shoulder and try to make a scene. Half of the time, they’re not even watching the game. Know your place.

The Wave – How is anyone still amused by the wave? It was tired in the 1970s. Yet, people still marvel as it winds around the stadium just like it has 10 billion times before. They actually pay more attention to fans standing up and sitting back down than the game they paid to see… The intrigue does seem to be dying down a little as I’ve noticed that “wave initiators” have had more trouble starting it up in recent years. These guys have no shame though. They will scream their lungs out and run up and down the section until they’ve started their precious gimmick. I will snap one day when one of these clowns tries to start a wave in the late innings of a close game. Consider this a warning.

I ran into this POST the other day (warning, some of the language is not work-appropriate). Somebody actually hates the wave more than me.

Beach Balls – I also marvel that people are so enthralled with beach balls. Fans become so enamored with the blow-up toys that they sometimes ignore the game for innings at a time just praying they’ll get a chance to touch the ball themselves. “Please, please, please come to me!” Because the balls can end up on the field and disrupt the game, security guards actively seek out the beach balls as soon as they emerge. Big mistake. I think about 90 percent of the beach ball intrigue is the cat-and-mouse game the fans create with security guards who always struggle to get the ball. Another warning: Any beach ball that comes near me or probably any of the other RFB guys is getting hit straight to the nearest security guard or is getting popped. Boo all you want. We came to watch baseball. Hit a ball around in the parking lot if it's so great...

The "You Suck" or "He's a Bum" Chanters – Almost every game, some group of bros picks a player on the opposing team who has a two-syllable name and proceeds to use the “You Suck Chant” the rest of the game (i.e. “Car-Los, Car-Los, Car-Los, YOU SUCK!”). Or the "He's a bum" chant is also used, usually by the same group. Each time they finish with a round of high-fives as they chuckle. Sick burn, brahs. Just so you know, when the guy turns around to look at you, it’s not because you’re getting in his head. It’s because he wants to see the losers who actually still use those tired chants. The "Charge!" cheer thinks those chants are old.

Adults Running Over Kids for Baseballs – If this happened as much as the top four on the list, it would definitely be up higher. It still happens way too often… Grown-ups knocking kids out of the way to catch a baseball, even in batting practice. What the hell? It’s a baseball. We give the balls we get to kids even if we do happen to catch them. If you take it home, it’ll end up in the garage. If you give it to a kid, it makes his or her day. If it’s a game-winning home run or a record-breaking shot, I can understand making an effort for it, but you still shouldn’t be taking little kids out, even if means you'll really impress the girl you brought along. The king of these douchebags is the guy that knocks a kid out of the way to catch a ball that a player was trying to throw to the kid. We actually saw this happen last year and the guy bragged about getting a ball for two innings. Unbelievable… Wadded up XL t-shirts shot out of a gun also do not give anyone license to crush kids.

In-And-Out Fans – Almost every game there is a fan that leaves 40 times during the game to get food, go to the bathroom, go to the FanZone, talk to a fan in another section, etc. I don’t think I have to explain this one. From the sighs and glares these people receive as they leave or come back in the middle of an inning, I think everyone hates them. But we had an entire row of these people on opening day. At least wait until between innings...

Cheering More for the Sausage Race Than the Brewers – How many people do you see at the game who don’t stand up, clap or cheer in any fashion the entire game, but jump up when the sausages come trotting out and yell and scream like the freaking pennant is on the line? People running in sausage costumes is funny and is actually more entertaining than watching a game that Matt Kinney pitched in, but we have a competitive team now. I hope this can become a thing of the past...

Swearing in front of kids - Baseball is the ultimate family sport. Parents shouldn't have to worry about sitting next to tools that can't watch their language. Everyone can slip from time to time with kids around, but some people just clearly don't give a crap.

Brewer fans, did I miss any? What are your biggest game-day pet peeves?


Blogger Tyler said...

"Hey (player's name), how many outs are there?"

The player knows 999 out of 1,000. If you don't know, it's on the scoreboard or - better yet - watch the game and there will be no need to ask.

This question, however, answers another question of how many cliche choads are ruining most of section 104's game... just one.

April 8, 2008 9:46 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

This rivals my cynicism. Well...not quite. Very nice though. Things should improve after an opening day weekend that included a give-a-way.

April 8, 2008 9:57 PM  
Blogger Johnny! said...

Nice post Jared. I completely agree with you, but I have a couple more you left out:

Bobblehead Guy: I hate the tool that buys X amount of tickets to the bobble games - walks in, grabs his bounty and leaves right away. Great, guy. Now go sell them on eBay to the people who actually wanted to be there for the game, but couldn't get tickets because of you and your jackass cronies.

Fahrfrompuken Girls: Are you kidding? Leave me alone. (Scalpers, Strippers, and World Series ticket give-awayers-this also applies to you.)

And on a side note:
Why, when the Brewers start to win, do we lose the sweet saxophone player?
Only he could have soothed my soul after dealing with the opening weekend chump fans, but like last year - he remains at large.

April 9, 2008 6:23 PM  
Blogger Tyler said...


Did you buy the exclaimation point from Panic at the Disco?

In all seriousness, I HATED to see people running on the field Saturday. A piece of my died. It was subsequently revived when one of the waste of skin perps was tackled Chuck Cecil style. Hey field sprinters, Wrigley Field called and they wanted their caliber of fans back.

April 10, 2008 12:44 AM  
Anonymous matt said...

i think that the person who is standing waving there hand to try and let a friend know where they are seated should be added. There always has to be the guy on his phone the whole game which is bad enough then he has to stand up wave his hands so his friend can see him. if you want to see your friend that bad buy a ticket next to him.

April 15, 2008 2:11 PM  

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