My Christmas Letter to the Brewers (Right in time for Winter Meetings)

Dear Brewers Organization,

Around this time, many children of the world write to Santa. I thought I'd write to you about what I'd like to have for Christmas. I've been a good boy this year for the most part. I hope the Ann Carrol post didn't put me on the Naughty list. Here are a couple things I'd like to see, whether they're feasible or not is up to you!

1. A Closer – Turnbow is a great set up man. He was a good closer for awhile, but he doesn't have the mental toughness for it. If there's a way to land a closer who is in a bad situation (Chad Cordero) or a former closer who has fallen from grace (Octavio Dotel), I'd be happy.

2. Better seats for season ticket holders (namely, us) – I understand you wouldn't want to give up the first couple rows to season ticket holders because then no one else would be able to get the best views of Miller Park. I don't understand why you would put your faithful season ticket fans all the way back to the tenth row of the right field bleachers when Barry Bonds fans fill up the front few rows? It also does a Ben Hendrickson to our arguments against Cub fans who have better seats than us.

3. A middle finger to the Reds – you know, for that whole Cordero thing. They already had one former Brewer closer, did they really need another one? It wasn't our fault they traded two position players for two terrible relievers.
   

4. Miguel Cabrera and Eric Bedard – ha

5. Jeff Cirillo – We don't have Graffanino anymore and we need a solid third baseman to replace Brauny every so often. Why not lovable Cirillo back again? He'll be on the cheap and would be a great mentor...again. This is, of course, contingent on whether or not we get Rolen.

Also, I'll take this opportunity to ask for a couple things for the other members of RFB.

Jared would like David Eckstein to join the team. He would be like having Craig Counsell...except good. I also noticed at the Brewers Clubhouse sale, you still had jerseys from the 1994-1999 era. I was hoping you'd still have a jersey from one of the superstars left, like a Matt Mieske one. Jared loves that old logo, so a replica from that once magical era would makes his Christmas one to remember.

Joe would like Alfonso Soriano traded from the Cubs, so he wouldn't have to root against his own fantasy team anymore. He would also like all Cubs fans living in Milwaukee to be deported to Chicago. As Joe would say, they are a disgrace and should be ashamed of themselves. If this is not possible, he would like free peanuts at all home games against the Cubs so he would have something to throw/spit at all of them.

Tyler would like a baseball signed by every Brewer who is barely remembered. Tyler is king of remembering players of yore, so having a baseball signed by the likes of Ricky Bones, Tony Fossas, Franklin Stubbs, William Suero, Kevin Seitzer, and Billy Jo Robidoux would make his day. He would also like a meatless sausage in the sausage race. It could be dressed like a hippy!

Johnny would like Nick Markakis. As Johnny would tell you, he's a five tool, nay, six tool player. Instead of Rolen going to third and moving Braun to the outfield, let's just get Markakis. While we're at it, getting Cheese Curd Sabathia would make him a happy boy as well. He would also like 20 Authentic Jerseys, one for each game in a season ticket package.

Thanks for all you've done to make the Brewers a contender again. Keep it up!


-Bryan


Posted by Bryan